Online Escape: Pint-sized Dark Knight

Prizeless Caption Content: Batman

Write your own caption for this picture.

The winning caption writer will be placed on Joe's Prizeless Caption Wall o' Fame.

One size fits all

Did all of Colorado's congressional candidates go with the same web designer?

Nearly every single website I've seen has the same feel, elements and color scheme:

• There's a big banner at the top with the candidate's portrait
• The banner usually includes something that has to do with Colorado — most chose mountains (I chose Casa Bonita as you can see above)
  
• Red, white and blue are the prominent colors — gold or yellow may be included
• This is usually represented by an American flag
• Stars are big
  
• Some have a slogan or quote
  

The 'Birdman' returns

Several newspapers are reporting that the Nuggets have re-signed F-C Chris Andersen to a one-year deal.

Let the awkwardness begin.

Don't get me wrong, I love the Birdman. But he's more like a flying squirrel than a bird — full of energy, but freaky when he's gliding across the air.

Replacing Camby is no easy task, but Andersen should alleviate some of the pressure. He has a natural ability to block shots and is going to get his fair share of rebounds. But his dunks should bring loud cheers in the Pepsi Center.

Technology dependency

I felt helpless this weekend. I felt as if I was alone — isolated from the rest of the world. Isolated from my friends, my family.

Utterly alone — because I lost my cell phone.

Well, it wasn’t exactly lost, but I dropped in one of the writer’s cars on Friday after we went to lunch and I wasn’t able to get it back for two days.

For the next 48 hours, I was off the grid.

Sure, I still had the Internet, but it was difficult reaching people who weren’t at their computers 24/7. And since it was Friday night, getting in touch with people without my cell phone proved difficult.

I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to find people’s numbers through my online phone records. I quickly realized that identifying phone numbers was quite difficult without names next to them.

I didn’t think I would ever become this, but I am a cell phone addict. I am lost without mine.
I remember back when passing notes in school meant writing on little scraps of paper — not text messaging. Back when calling a friend meant having their number memorized, and not scrolling down a list to find their name.

It wasn’t until this weekend that I realized how dependent our society has become on technology.

Take away the Internet and cell phones and modern American society is crippled. It’s become such a integral part of our lives that removing it is like removing a limb.

Don’t believe me? Tell that to everyone who picked up the new iPhone.

It’s amazing considering that only a decade ago, both of these were considered luxuries.

It’s hard for someone of my generation to remember a time when shooting someone a letter took days instead of mere seconds.

Thank goodness I have my cell phone back now. Now, to find my house keys.

Online Escape: Alien prank gone wrong

Dragon boat fest

They call me Vincent van Row — I'm the master of my craft

Craft. Boat. You get the point.

The eighth annual Colorado Dragon Boat Festival takes place this weekend at Sloan's Lake. The two-day event is filled with food, crafts and a whole lot of racing.

This is my seventh year racing — I missed 2004 because we didn't have a team. Instead I spent six hours at the gym working out my frustrations of not being able to race.

I'm racing with the Vietnamese Professional Network team this year. If there's something I've learned from my years of racing, the ethnic teams are scary. (The Mongolians, Cambodians and Laotians are always among the favorites)

This year is nice, it's the first one since 2003 where I'm not the team captain. It's much less stressful to be just another rower.

Though, I've found it difficult to bite my tongue and not chime in my two cents. But I think I've been better as the weeks of practice have gone on.

I'm happy with my team this year. In my seven years of racing, this ranks toward the top in terms of overall strength and experience — the team we had in 2002 where we won the gold was the best one though.

But I truly feel we have a legitimate shot at taking the Novice trophy this year. This is the first year I've done months of on-water training (My left hand still has the scars from the cuts I received in practice). Plus we actually did conditioning during practice for once.

But most importantly, I have faith in my team and I hope they have faith in me.

I just hope they have faith in themselves because if they knew what they were capable of, they would be amazed.

Batman!

Like thousands of others, I went to see "The Dark Knight" last night at midnight. Simply put, it was absolutely amazing.

Heath Ledger performance is among the best I've seen this year. This isn't your Cesar Romero's Joker. It was a bizarre and disturbing mix of maniacal humor with homicidal tendencies. His story about how he got his facial scars is bonechilling.

Plus there was a nice cameo appearance by Hong Kong star Edison Chen (I wonder if this was before or after his sex scandal).

The only thing that sucked was that it was ridiculous hot in the theater. The air conditioning turned off just before the two-hour mark. With a full theater, it wasn't a pleasant experience. With a lesser movie, I would have walked out.

The trailers were pretty interesting. There were a few that stuck out in my mind:

• "Terminator Salvation": When the music hit, my first thoughts were, "really? Another Terminator?" Christian Bale takes over as John Connor. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, it was kind of weird when Nick Stahl took over for Edward Furlong, but Bale? Too much of a pretty boy.

• "Watchmen": I was surprised that not too many people picked up on what this movie was. I was expecting more fanboy cheers from the audience, but everyone stayed quiet. Looks cool, though – I've been a fan ever since I read the graphic novel back in high school. I did like the irony of how The Smashing Pumpkins' "The Beginning is the End is the Beginning" plays in the trailer – the song was featured in "Batman & Robin."
  
• "Body of Lies": New Ridley Scott movie featuring Leo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe. Looks interesting, but looks like another CIA operative politico-action flick.

Online Escape: Dr. Horrible

Dr. Horrible's looking to get accepted with the Evil League of Evil while trying to win the affections of a girl he met at the laundromat. But Captain Hammer is there to thwart his attempts.

And it's told in the style of a musical.

This online show from the mind of Joss Whedon ("Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Firefly") is a creative and hilarious look at a love triangle involving a superhero, a wannabe villain and their love interest.

It stars Neil Patrick Harris ("Doogie Howser, M.D.," "How I Met Your Mother") as Dr. Horrible, Felicia Day as Penny and Nathan Fillion ("Firefly," "Serenity") as Captain Hammer.

Worst trade in Nuggets' history

WTF?!?!?!

Excuse me for my use of chat lingo, but I don't want to use vulgar language for this post.

The Nuggets traded center Marcus Camby to the Los Angeles Clippers for, get this, the option to exchange second-round draft picks in 2010.

Whoo! Yeah! Potentially better draft pick, wait, what?

We gave up our only defensive player for a chance to pick up an untested foreign player or an above-average college player?

It's like we just traded Camby for Marcus Liberty. Or Nicoloz Tskitishvili.

Couldn't we have picked up someone? Anyone? Hell, I would have settled for a first-round pick or our homegrown Nick Fazekas or even former Gonzaga standout Dan Dickau.

This is the worst trade in team history. Even worst than the Antonio McDyess to Phoenix trade back in '99.

Well, maybe it's best they didn't go for a first-round pick. Who was the last good pick that we've had this decade aside from Melo? Frank Williams? No. Mamadou N'Diaye? No.

Ugh.

Online Escape: Kasou Taishou – Body suit

I love Kasou Taishou

The rule of threes: Animal edition

Denver gets a hippo who bites a zookeeper's hand.

Colorado Springs has a supposed lion on the loose yesterday and a bear today.

Our state's two largest cities had stories about animals yesterday so it should only be appropriate that the rule of threes should apply.

And what do we get? Baby ducks. Much cuter, but not as cool.

Random things companies send us to review: Mega Blocks MagNext

I love toys. Especially those that allow me to construct random objects.

Growing up, I had a moderate-sized collection of Legos with a few Tyco blocks mixed in. I built my fair share of multicolored buildings and guns.

Lego rival Mega Blocks just released its MagNext (or is it MagneXt?) construction set.

We received a sampler package which consists of six ball magnets and five construction pieces. Within minutes we were able to construct many different objects such as a 3D trianglular prison, a grate floor and an unstable hollow RV.

Sure the pieces are small and are choking hazards to young children, but the most important question is, will kids enjoy playing with it?

Being a former child myself, I thought back to my early days – would young Joe like MagneXt?

The answer is an underwhelming yes, but only for a little while. I loved building things and playing with toys that clicked, but MagneXt would probably have only held my attention temporarily before I would become bored and returned to my action figures.

The unique build style would have been fun initially, but without the ability to construct something less abstract, I would have lost interest.

The small pieces are a pain to keep track of. Sure, some kids are able to keep their toys in a place where they would find everything, but I wasn't one of them. I would have lost the magnet balls, especially since they roll.

Final analysis: It's an interesting idea, but not something that's worth getting for kids. Save the money and get some Legos instead.

Hey hey hey, goodbye Esther Ku

Adorable 25-year-old Korean-American comedian (and I use the term lightly) Esther Ku was eliminated last night on "Last Comic Standing."

Ku uses a lot of deprecating Asian jokes in her routine. A LOT. And it's not funny — it's just tired stereotypes such as all of us look alike and Asian men aren't desirable. Racialicious called her the "Asian Sarah Silverman." It's accurate — Ku only goes out on stage to push the boundary and offend people.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy edgy comics such as Richard Pryor and Chris Rock. But there's one big difference between them and Ku — their jokes are smart.

Hell, Dat Phan used a lot of Asian jokes in his routine when he won the show's first season. They're rather old now, but at the time they were an interesting take.

Speaking American

Apparently officials in Terrebonne Parish School District in Houma, La. don't believe that being multi-linguistic is a good thing.

According to the Associated Press, school officials are considering a policy that would require all commencement speeches to be in English.

This comes after cousins Hue and Cindy Vo, co-valedictorians at Ellender High School, delivered part of their speeches in Vietnamese.

Cindy said that her one sentence in Vietnamese was directed toward her parents because they don't speak fluent English. Hue did the same.

According to the Houma Courier, Board member Rickie Pitre didn't agree with them speaking another language and is pushing to make English the only language used at graduations.

"As board members, we get to observe the different ceremonies and there’s some inconsistencies I think the board or administration more importantly needs to address," the Courier reported Pitre saying in committee.

Inconsistencies? It sounds more like Pitre has a bad case of xenophobia.

He suggested that their speeches should have been said in English and then paraphrased in other languages.

And make graduation ceremonies longer than they are already? No, thank you.

Look, this was an homage dedicated to their parents – one sentence to show gratitude to their parents. One.

And as valedictorians, they are entitled the right to do that.

Pitre took what was supposed to be their special moment and turned it into this farce of a campaign against multi-lingualism. And, he's not alone.

"I’m not trying to discriminate against any other language," Board member Roger DeHart said. "We should all know what’s being said."

Uh, I believe that their plan is the definition of discrimination and an attack on their freedom of speech. These young women weren't abusing their time in the spotlight. They didn't say anything lewd or vulgar – they were honoring their parents.

Honoring your parents – when did that turn into something wrong?

Online Escape: Captain America

Let's hope the 2011 version will receive a larger budget than this.

Nuggets' offseason ideas?

If there's one weakness to point out on the Nuggets' roster, it's the point guard position. Denver has plenty of firepower, but when its second-leading scorer is the one handling the ball, no one is going to be happy.

The big rumor is the Nuggets working to land Chicago point guard Kirk Hinrich. He's a pass=first point who's a hard-nosed defender. He would thrive in Denver with all the different options to pass to.

But in order to get him, Denver would probably have to give up Marcus Camby. A loss, yes, but one that's worth it in the long run.

Another option is signing Los Angeles Clippers free agent Shaun Livingston. An immensely talented, but injury-ridden player, Livingston would give the Nuggets a big point guard to offset the 6'0" Allen Iverson.

The best person to compare him to is Penny Hardaway. If they Nuggets do sign him, let's hope he's more like the young, electrifying version instead of the older, role playing one.

Online Escape: Marvel unites